I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
