Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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