you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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