saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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