i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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