We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
