is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my shit smells like andre
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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