They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
