Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You can't just leave with hair like that
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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