mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
