I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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