I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
