High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
