dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
