she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
