I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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