I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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