Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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