yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
