I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
