It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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