Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
