Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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