one two three fourrrrnication!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
