I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
