Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
