I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He better not be in your backpack
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
