Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
