none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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