whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
