Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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