HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
