batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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