My hair reeks of homosexuality.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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