There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
