Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
