I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
