Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
