why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
