Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
