Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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