I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
