i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
