Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
