i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
