I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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