you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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