and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
