fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
