he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
