weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
