Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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