Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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