best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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