When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
